A Glimpse Inside the Mind of a Freelance Musician

It doesn't matter what shape your chops are in, how much you practice, or how well you play. Sooner or later, you're going to be in a position where you find yourself staring at a blank space in your calendar. If it's just a day or two, you'll think "Hey, great, a couple days with no gigs. I can finally catch up with stuff around the house, watch TV, and maybe do some reading like regular people." Three or four days leads to, "Well, that's odd, but at least I can get some practice time in." It happens to all of us at some point, so we just move on with our lives and wait for the next rehearsal, kiddie show, or church service.

When you see a week or more, that's when the real paranoia sets in. Like all good introspective musicians, we seek accountability in our own actions, even to the point of self-flagellation. Sure we can chalk it up to a bad economy, bad luck with scheduling, or other forces beyond our control, but there's a nagging question in a voice that gets more and more persistent and urgent: Did I do something wrong?

It doesn't even matter that the previous part of the season was pretty good, or if next month is going to be spectacular. For some reason, one's entire perspective changes based on present circumstances. It's like being stranded on a desert island and staring lamentably at the empty crates of food that have washed ashore during the past few months, knowing that you just ate your last can of beans. Regardless of the skill you might have developed in opening the cans, cooking the food, and guaranteeing your own survival, it still feels like much of your life is left in the hands of providence.

There's a joke that freelance musicians like to tell:

Two musicians are catching up and talking about their lives. One asks the other, "How are things going lately?"

The second musician replies, "Well, a couple of weeks ago I won the lottery. Last week I just found out that a long-lost uncle died and left me a huge inheritance. But this week? NOTHING!"

And that's the life of a freelance musician. There's not much we can do about it besides pour another cup of coffee, teach those students, and hit the practice room.